If you’re a mom, how many times have you heard the phrase, “oh, you’ll miss this!”??
For me- it’s been countless.
And I want to disclaim here- I understand and value the sentiment. I truly do. Soak up everything. Time goes so quickly, and you’ll never get these moments back. Cherish your babies while they’re small.
I think it’s almost become a mantra of more experienced moms to new moms. When they’re talking about the sleepless nights and the cluster feedings and the constant pooping- “oh, you’re going to miss this!”
But can I be honest with y’all?
There are moments I am absolutely not going to miss.
Someone told me when Oliver was a baby that I was going to miss him waking up 4 times a night. Um, no.
I’m not going to miss scrubbing poop out of my carpet. I’m not going miss Zoey crying and pulling on me all.day.long. And I’m not going to miss sleep deprivation or picking spaghetti off of my floor.
And that’s ok.
As soon as I’m told, “oh, you’re going to miss this,” I feel like I’m being told to stop complaining and just appreciate it. I know that’s never (or at least rarely) the intention. I don’t try to complain, but I do believe in honesty. There’s chance of this oft-used mamahood phrase minimizing the hardships of parenting.
This is said carefully because again, I completely understand the sentiment, and there absolutely are things I’m going to miss. I’m absolutely going to miss going in to pick Zoey up in the morning and the huuuuge smile she gives me. I will definitely miss Oliver’s obsession with dinosaurs and the adorable way he mispronounces all of their names. I’ll miss their bedheads and their sweet hugs and even the messy but adorable way they shove food into their mouths.
I think it’s entirely possible to miss STAGES without missing every. little. thing. in that stage. Zoey is turning 1 in just a few days, and, like every mama with their baby, I find myself looking at her and asking, “but how?!” She’s walking (literally) into toddlerhood, and I’m in denial. But y’all- I do not miss her as an infant. She just cried. And cried. And cried. I would bounce her until my knees literally started to creak. As soon as I laid her down, she’d wake up crying. Of course I’m nostalgic about how tiny and snuggly she was. But I can confidently say that I soaked it up as much as I could, but I wouldn’t go back to it.
I do think this phrase can help a mama slow down. If someone tells me, “enjoy this,” about a certain stage of life, I’m bound to slow down at some point that week and really think about where I am in life and take it all in. I just think we need to be careful to not say this every time a mom is having a hard time or is in a rough stage of parenting. For instance, potty training? Yep, was told I would miss that. With all the kindness in my heart- I don’t believe them. I’m already dreading having to do it all over again with Zoey.
So my point is this. Parenting is hard. It is a rollercoaster of being super fun and super exhausting. There are some really tremendous joys, and there are some really annoying lows. There will be parts you want to hang on to forever and never let go, and there will be other parts you want to skip altogether. And that’s ok. Remind a mom to enjoy their kids and enjoy their stage of life.
But if a new mama is tired and talking about her 5 wake ups a night, let’s not tell her she’ll miss it. She won’t. I promise.
Have a phenomenal day!